NOT Defined By Our Brokenness

by Kristy Hartley

After years of searching for the right fit, our family welcomed a rescue dog at the start of

summer. We had been looking for a Sheepdog or Doodle mix and knew we wanted to

rescue a non-puppy. After a few years of searching off and on, submitting applications and never hearing back, we were more than ready to welcome a new

family member.

Edgar is a 4-year-old Old English Sheepdog. He had a really rough start to life with a commercial breeder…outdoor cage, cement floor, matted fur, and not knowing when food was coming. The amazing owner of the rescue had personally been working with Edgar for months. As we got to know more about him and were coming up on the day we’d meet him in our home, she said something that hit hard, “He’s the most broken dog I’ve ever rescued.”

My heart broke for him hearing those words. She shared about the slow progress he made as well as the challenges along the way. He wasn’t aggressive, he simply tried to make his 70-pound body as small as possible hoping to become invisible. How often have we felt so broken that we too wished we could disappear, hoping no one would see us the way we see ourselves?

We prepared to welcome a dog who might never want to take walks or play ball. A dog

who might feel safer tucked into a far corner of the room than snuggling with us in bed.

And while we were ready to meet him exactly as he was, we held out hope, wanting so

much more for him.

When the day came for the home visit, we were reminded again that it would be a slow

journey but we didn’t see a “broken” dog. We saw something deeper. We weren't being naïve and ignoring the facts, we just didn’t see him as broken. We saw his anxiety and nerves. We saw his panting and stress yawns. We saw him pressing his back as far as he could in the corner of our couch. We SAW him and accepted him just as he was.

The moment he settled onto our couch, I knew he belonged in our family. I often wonder if this is how God feels. We belong to Him no matter how broken or unlovable or messed up we believe we are. He sees beyond that and sees our hearts. We hoped

Edgar would grow to feel safe enough to open himself up to us in time, but we

committed our love to him even if he never did. It’s been 5 months now with Edgar in

our family, and it’s been an incredible journey.

Two things people often say to us are, 'He’s so lucky to have you' and 'He’s like a

different dog'. Let me first say that WE are the lucky ones. His snuggles are calming.

His goofy nightly zoomies bring laughter. His excitement to see us after work is pure

warmth. And while he might seem like a different dog, he’s still Edgar. He carries his

brokenness with him just as we carry ours. He was welcomed into a nurturing home of love where he is cared for. Most importantly, Edgar is given permission to be wholly himself and to be loved just as he is.

He will probably always be a nervous dog. And that’s ok. He’s still jumpy at times

and he’s loved ALL the time. And that’s the same for us. Even when we feel

unlovable, God’s love has no boundaries. We just have to let His love in for

transformation to our lives. Being “broken” is not the end of the story. To be broken, lost, and messy is the human condition but to love unconditionally is God’s.